Book Review: Gay Dads
Family Portraits in Words and PhotosThey make doctors' appointments, attend PTA meetings, and worry about good nutrition and services for their kids. They do all the things other parents do, and then some. They're gay dads, the subject of David Strah's new book, "Gay Dads: A Celebration of Fatherhood.".
Gay Dads: A Celebration of Fatherhood
ISBN: 1585422312
Publisher: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Putnam, May 2003, Hardcover
In his exploration of what he calls "new" gay dads and their families - families created by adoption, surrogacy, and co-parenting - Strah, with writer Susanna Margolis and photographer Kristen Timken, looks not only into the lives of 24 families, but also into the sometimes extraordinary battle it took to get there, and how parenting has changed their lives. Strah, pictured on the cover with his partner and their two children (by adoption), includes his family's story in the book as well.
As the stories of families unfold, it's obvious that the desire to be parents has presented a range of daunting obstacles - obstacles these men were willing to challenge. For some, adopting meant coming out for the first time - not only to agencies and social workers, but also to their families. For some, finding agencies and other professionals who would work with them was a hurdle. None simply sailed through the process.
In addition to a listing of family-building resources for gay men, an interesting inclusion in the book is some of the first research on gay fathers, with initial evidence that the more equal sharing of parenting roles between gay dads is something that other parents might want to emulate. The book also includes much discussion about fatherhood as a new element in gay identity, and how becoming parents has brought gay men - couples and singles - closer to mainstream America, and perhaps isolated them somewhat from the gay community.
They have become parents by adoption - international, domestic, infant, older child, special needs - surrogacy, and co-parenting. They went through homestudies, failed placements, and other challenges. Their families are multiracial, multicultural, and religiously diverse. Their children are loved.
They're parents.
~
Nancy AsheRelated •
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Comments
I love the idea suggested in this review that gay fathers actually have proven to be better balanced than traditional couples when it comes to sharing the responsibilities of parenting. I feel that, despite the many changes that have occurred in the world regarding the "expected" roles of mothers and fathers in this country (and beyond), there still are unspoken "roles" that mothers and fathers fall into, and these roles often resemble the model of moms staying at home while dads work and take less of an active interest in the emotional upbringing of a child. Of course, these roles don't quite work with the reality of the way many families operate these days -- many moms AND dads work, and the many things moms are expected or at least feel expected to do (drive kids to commitments, pick them up and drop them off at school, attend teacher-parent conferences, go to doctors' appointments) run them ragged. Similarly, men in "traditional" families I think often feel responsible for making more money, taking care of bills, etc., and I think it's often hard for them to get emotionally more involved with their children because they don't necessarily feel expected to do so. Looking to gay parents as a model for how we can change the way we share responsibility within families as parents instead of unconsciously or consciously attempting to fall into specific roles, despite the high cost to sanity and perceptions of reality I think can benefit the way adoptive parents (and "biological" parents as well!) fulfill the needs of their children and families as a whole.
Posted by: astrophysics at 11/11/2005 08:52 AM
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